The past 2 months: Experience & for my good?....

*Doctrine & Covenants 122:7And if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good.

So... how to start... um, the past two months have been quite challenging. So, two months ago... that puts us at October 9th. We can just start on October 1st. On this particular day there was a very big shift/change at work. We had, up to that point, been keeping 2 departments separate, and this was the big day where we were going to combine them. There were a lot of changes, new departments created, responsibilities shifted around. I was asked to be on a team with people I knew, and was already sitting near. However, my responsibilities were the ones whose shifted the most out of our team of 3. The department went from one of 13 people to us 3. Needless to say, it was a pretty stressful transition. However, I was very excited/nervous, but ready for a change. I really liked the people I was working with and the actual job. Things were great. But then very quickly they weren't.... the other 2 girls didn't want to teach me my new responsibilities, we had a new manager who didn't know what we were doing, so he couldn't teach me. It got pretty annoying listening to them complain over and over how stressed they were and not let me help them. I offered over and over and they made excuse after excuse. However, after discussing with our managers and sitting down, we were able to divide the new responsibilities and things went smoothly for a little while. I still liked my job at this point, I was learning fast and having a great time. But the other 2 were still unhappy and complaining about everything! Soon after this started, I found out about things they were saying behind my back. They weren't nice things. It's so hard to work with people who don't appreciate you/your work and only want to see the negative. I stuck it out anyway, but my job became somewhat of a burden rather than pleasurable as it had been.

Mid-october one of my new friends from my ward passed away. I didn't know her for long, only about a month, but she had been the first person to talk to me in my ward, she invited me to a movie and at a later time, to celebrate her birthday with dessert and games at her apartment. Another friend passed away earlier this year and I grieved for both of them at this time. It was a very sad time, but happy to know that they both are in a much better place and so much happier and without pain. I gained a new sense of hope during this experience. Hope in my Savior, in His Atonement and in God's plan for me.

I also taught my very first (and last, in this ward at least) lesson as a Relief Society teacher. I was the 4th Sunday teacher, so I taught a lesson from one of Elder Christofferson's conference talks regarding the importance of the scriptures. I have never been so nervous in my life! I've never wanted out of something so bad! But I was prepared with treats and handouts and printed the talk for everyone to follow along with. I think it went really well, I got a lot of compliments and a nice note on my door saying someone loved it. A lot of people participated and I'M JUST GLAD IT'S DONE! haha. It was such a good experience for me though. Reading my scriptures has been something I've done as long as I can remember, but sometimes it's hard to remember just how important it is, and how much of a priority it should be and the blessings we can receive from reading them. It was a very big testimony builder for me, and hopefully for those that came to RS that day.

On Oct. 31st, me and my friend Rachel went and had dinner with my Grandma Bradshaw. She is getting older and my grandpa has passed several years ago, so I know she is lonely. I would be. I made taco salad and we all enjoyed that. I tried my frist date.... they are DISGUSTING! Never again :) We enjoyed talking about our plans, dreams and how good the food/dessert was (scotcharoos, of course!). She even showed us a book she has been working on about the bank my great grandpa started and my grandpa went on to own. A lot of it was about my grandpa, who I didn't get a chance to know very well before he died. So, it was a lot of fun seeing pictures of him and learning more about him, and I know it made my grandma happy to talk about it and show us. She was such a wonderful hostess :). Love you GRANDMA!!! xoxo. I really was able to appreciate how important everyone in my family is, and how I shouldn't take them for granted. Spend as much time with them as I can. Every moment is precious.

Later that week during a confrontation with one of my roommates, she backed me into my bedroom door-frame, had her finger in my face, I put my hands up because I was scared and wanted her to back off, and she punched me on the left side of my head. I locked myself in my room, called my mom, went into shock, sobbed, couldn't stop shaking, called the good-for-nothing security guard who told me "... um..... uh.... I don't know what to tell you" when I told him "MY ROOMMATE JUST PUNCHED ME, AND I'M SO SCARED AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!"..... I was able to get a hold of a friend in my ward, she and her roommates came and saved me, I slept there, but after getting there called the police, who took care of the rest of the situation. Needless to say, it was the scariest thing OF MY WHOLE LIFE. I felt traumatized. I slept maybe 2 hours that night, I was so afraid to close my eyes. My friend from my ward came with me back to my apartment early the next morning to pack up some stuff and I went home for the weekend to recoup. It was so scary. That is just how I felt for a long time, and I still do. I didn't have a good night sleep for at least the first month, and still have a lot of trouble sleeping. I just felt like something had been taken from me. Why did she punch me? What did I do wrong? Why did I ever try standing up for myself? I'm never doing that again!!! How can I get past this and forgive her? Well... I'm definitely still working on all of those things, especially the last one. So, anyway, I was home from Thursday and went back to work on Tuesday. The first thing I heard about when I got back was the mean things those 2 girls at work were saying about me for being gone when they were so busy..... did they ask me if I was ok? Or what happened? Or can they do anything to help? NO! They said mean things behind my back and ignored me when I got back. On top of everything else, I was hurt. I was still feeling very sensitive and tears were never very far... they have never been my whole life, but even more so. And still they are almost always pretty close. It's even hard to write about all this, my fingers are shaking. But I feel like I've held it all in long enough and I want to just get my feelings out.

I met with my bishop a few times because I really didn't think I was dealing with things very well. He was a little bit helpful, but mostly just let me talk and vent and didn't judge me. He asked me how everything had made me feel, which besides my parents, I had been unable to talk about. People wanted to know what happened, but not how it made me feel! It was nice to have someone (besides my parents, etc) to talk to about that.

One of the hardest things about this situation was that before moving into that apartment, I had prayed a lot about it. I had felt like it was the right thing to do! I felt SOO good about moving in there! I did make a friend, Sarah, from the apartment and that has been a blessing. The day I got back in town (Monday night) 7 angels helped me move. They are angels hidden in the clothing of people I know. They were there for me when I was at my lowest/most vulnerable. They helped me move in 1 hour! Thank you to you all who helped. I have never been more thankful for my friends than at that moment. My friends were truly there for me, and I will not forget your kindness to me in my moment of need.

But, as I was saying the apartment had seemed like a good move... and then when this happened, I was like... what was that about??? And on top of THAT! - I moved into the apartment.... the ROOM of my friend who had passed away not a month before! It was my only option, but I was nervous about that. Luckily, 2 out of the 3 roommates have welcomed me and I have appreciated their kindess in all of this, especially with what they have also been going through the past few months. I'm so thankful for strangers taking me and welcoming me despite their own personal adversities.

The rest of november was mostly just learning to deal with everything, I moved desks so I didn't sit by those 2 girls, they still said mean things about me. I thought we had been friends, one of them I even put in a good word for and that is a reason she has that job... people forget things like that I guess. Anyway, our boss decided to split the departments again. He had hires several new people, so they were all (along with the 2 girls) doing one department and then I was doing ALL of the other department by myself! It was a LOT of work for one person, but I'm a hard worker and I knew how to do it, and I did it well.

November also included seeing HARRY POTTER 7.1 which I LOVED!!! I can't wait to see it again. My friend Rachel went with me to that (she is so great!) and we had such a fun time! The movie stayed so true to the book and the 2.5 hours went by incredibly fast! I am very excited for the next movie.

I was also able to go home for Thanksgiving and spend time with my family and nephews. It was a time of lots of fun, food and laughter. It's so great being home! I love it and there is NOTHING better!

Well... there is an end to most things... my job is one of them. After working faithfully for 4 years 3 months and 5 days, I was fired from my job. It was for ridiculous reasons as these things usually are, with no warning or clue. Just a shocking thing out of the blue. I have been wanting to move back to Boise for a long time now, and it feels like with everything that has been going on these last few months, my time to move on has come. I almost feel pushed. I was such a wreck last week, crying all the time. I have had a consistent job since I was 15 years old, that's almost 10 years. It's a weird feeling to know that I was not appreciated. It's hard to trust that I'm going to be able to find a job soon enough to pay all my bills, etc. I need to sell my contract so I'm not paying rent for a place I'm not living in, I need to pack, say goodbye to all my friends in Utah... the money one is really hard to make my mind be ok about. But I just have to trust that God has a plan for me. And despite my trials and adversities, I will prevail. I will endure them well and everything will be OK. It's easier everyday to feel the hope the Savior offers in this situation: comfort, peace, trust, hope. I know that everything will be ok and just have to keep reminding myself of that fact. Everything will be OK Annette. I promise. Everything happens for a reason and I am meant to move to a new chapter of my life, hopefully a little bit happier one. :) I'm trying very hard to have a positive outlook on this all. I know my Savior has been a very big help in that. I know my prayers are answered when I can feel peaceful through this. I love my family and all the support they have given me. For letting their almost-25-year-old move back home. For my friends and their support and love. It's been such a crazy 2 months, but also a learning experience that, with time, I can see the full purpose of.

The scripture at the beginning says that all these things shall give me experience and be for my good. I trust in that and cannot wait to see what good things the future brings! I know it will be great. Though adversity and trials are so hard, they are necessary for our progression, so I consider myself right on track to keep on progressing in this life.

If you are still reading... wow... that's amazing. Thanks :) I just wanted to get everything I've been thinking out of my brain!

This is to make the post happy (my sister told me) :)

The End.... of this chapter :)